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If you're dating or married to a widower, you've encountered relationship issues that other couples just don’t have to deal with. Whether it’s the comments on his late wife’s Facebook page or the tattoo commemorating the love of his life, there are some situations that are unique to widower relationships.
That’s where Life with a Widower comes in. Drawing on over a decade of experience helping women in relationships with widowers, Abel Keogh tackles the most common, day-to-day widower relationship challenges so you can gracefully navigate and overcome them. A few of the topics include:
• The best way to handle events held in the late wife’s memory
• How to keep the late wife out of the bedroom
• Tips and tricks to improve communication with your widower
• How to forgive a widower who’s hurt you and decide whether you should give him a second chance
The book also includes over a dozen stories from women who have experienced similar challenges and tells how they overcame seemingly impossible situations.
Whether you’re married to a widower, dating one, or in a long-term relationship, Life with a Widower will help you think through these challenges to develop a successful, fulfilling relationship.
- Sales Rank: #317968 in eBooks
- Published on: 2013-02-25
- Released on: 2013-02-25
- Format: Kindle eBook
About the Author
At the age of 26, Abel Keogh unexpectedly found himself a young widower. When he decided to start dating again he looked in vain for resources that could help him guide him through the dating waters and open his heart to someone else. He found nothing. As he began blogging about his experiences, women dating widowers began emailing him asking for his thoughts on their situations. As the numbers of emails increased, Abel started writing a weekly dating a widower advice column called Widower Wednesday as well as the books Dating a Widower: Starting a Relationship with a Man Who’s Staring Over and Marrying a Widower: What you Need to Know before Tying the Knot. Abel is also the author of the memoir Room for Two—the story of the year of his life following his late wife’s suicide—and the novel The Third. He and his wife Julianna are the parents of three boys and two girls. Learn more at www.abelkeogh.com.
Most helpful customer reviews
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
I just wanted to know how to get rid of the rocking donkey.
By Amazon Customer
Not as helpful as I'd hoped.
The vintage wooden child's rocking donkey still sits in front of our fireplace. This is one of a number of decorative items my domestic partner and his late wife bought together at an auction. I've complained about it, it's not my taste, but it's still there.
I will give the author credit for probably having more insight and sensitivity than many widowers out there. But he really couldn't tell me anything I didn't already know. I bought a couple of his books out of desperation after a big fight about why I didn't want my domestic partner bringing the Christmas tree down from the attic, a tree that he and his late wife picked out together so he and his new lady (me) could decorate it. The late wife passed away 6 years ago.
This book, along with the Dating book is a very short read, I think it took me about 10 minutes. The book is mostly a compilation of other womens' horrible experiences that go way beyond issues about life with a widower. These are extreme situations involving very abusive men who just happen to be widowers. And according to the author, these women have no one but themselves to blame if they don't put their foot down and stand up to their abusers, or are fool enough to give these abusive men a second chance. Emotional abuse is a little more complicated than that.
The author's account of his own experience was telling. He admits to not always being on his best behavior with his ex-girlfriend. And he blames this on the fact that she was not the right one for him and wasn't worthy in his mind of making the effort to avoid the widower pitfalls. Then he met the love of his life, his current wife, and he gives her credit for not settling for being treated as second best. Based on his account, the success of their marriage was helped along in large part to his wife consistently setting boundaries and, well, not putting up with the author's bad behavior. I'm sure her patience played a big role too.
So, apparently I have to get militant on my partner and crack the whip, never waiver when he tests boundaries again, like he did with the Christmas tree. As much as I hate to admit it, the author is correct on this. I've had to repeatedly put my foot down. But why is it up to the woman to keep the widower's behavior in check? Um, I thought we were both adults. If I behave badly, it's not my partner's fault for not setting boundaries with me. And the author doesn't quite blame the women for the widower's bad behavior, but he sort of takes a tough love approach by implying that hey, men can be jerks sometimes, widower's are no different, so either draw a line in the sand or be a doormat. If only relationships were that simple.
I didn't realize that when I got involved with a widower that I would be in charge of his sensitivity training. This book is also probably not fair to many widowers out there who are already well behaved and don't need their women to teach them manners and respect. The widowers described in this book are just spoiled overgrown babies, who may have been spoiled and enabled by their late wives, who knows. They also do some crazy creepy stuff.
I was looking for a book that dealt with less extreme situations, kind of like mine. And yes, I was looking for a little sympathy, so sue me. I found confiding in a woman on an online support group to be more helpful than this book. This woman, with a wonderfully dry sense of humor, really got where I was coming from. She told me it would take at least 5 years to get rid of that rocking donkey. Four years to go....
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
His best work yet!!!!!
By Tiffany
A MUST READ!!!!!!
As a woman dating a widower, it's really hard to know what to expect when you start out or what the bumps in the road could be during your relationship. Dating a widower is unlike dating anyone else. Very different. Women tend to feel the need to "understand" and sympathize with their Widower, all-the-while losing sight to what THEY deserve. My Widower has come a LONG way since we started dating. There's going to to be bumps, as there are in every relationship, but dating a widower has a number of "extra" hurdles.
Abel has pinpointed almost all of them. He is open and honest about himself and his hurdles in his life which helps women relate as best we can.
BRAVO, Abel...
Now... Your goal is to work on
"Children of Widowers" How to get through day-to-day obsticles while working on building a relationship with them
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Depressing and unrealistic
By laurav
I found this book shallow, unrealistic, and depressing. The author was widowed at 26, and his experience to being a widower is only (maybe) useful for someone who is dating a man who is quite young and lost his wife after a brief marriage.
The author states that a man who is ready to love again will make his new love interest number 1 very quickly, will put all pictures of his previous wife away soon afterward, and will be totally absorbed by his new girlfriend to the point that the memory of his late wife will quickly fade.
This might be true for a young man who's been married for a short time, didn't have kids with his late wife, and whose hormones and priorities are very different from those of a man who is older and has been married for many years.
Be careful not to let him discourage you if your situation is different.
There isn't much written on this topic, but a very different approach can be found in Past: Perfect! Present: Tense! by Julie Donner Andersen.
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